Jingwei = Narcissist

afb = away from blog

2008-08-01T19:55:00.002+08:00

Aiya, it's been 13 days since my last post. Yes I know that. Actually, it's because I've not much to write. Anyway, computer gaming is taking its toll on me. I can't afford to waste any more of my youth in this virtual world. However, I just can't seem to break free from these bondages. I know it will be had to kick this addiction. After 3 days of consecutive work, you'll probably be yearning for your so-called deserved break. It is this "deserved break" that is draining me of my precious time. The race against myself is on-going and I can not afford to lose. I have to be better than myself.

I am officially SICK and TIRED of Chem papers. I guess I probably did more than 12 papers and I did not make any progress in terms of the marks I get from these papers. I'm always stuck at the same bend and can't get out of this deep rut. It seems that I maybe too conceited, complacent about my own satifaction in the realm of Chemistry. Pride, wrath, lust, greed, gluttony, envy - the sins of the world. The sins that had led to my downfall. I shall rise again by using 卧薪尝胆. Watch out for me in the shining armour on my red-hair horse. XD

Next thursday is the last and final SPA I have to do - Bio skill 3. Sometimes I really wonder is there any point in doing these practical exam when the teachers ACCIDENTALLY drop HINTS that are like 明示 instead of 暗示.

Let me tell you a secret: Confucius actually knows Tamil. Before the building of silk road, Confucius preached around China and some says India. Confucian teachings is about orderliness which is the crux of India's caste system. 水能载舟也能覆舟. Confucius - one man who influenced China, one man who affected the way Chinese live, one man who even after death prevented the progress of China. Bla bla bla...

Geez, I don't even know why I am writing these crap. Anyway, I guess I will not be blogging only after Prelims 2 which will end in 1 & 1/2 months. See you then! ^^ A sandpiper to make your day. Believe in yourself- With faith, you can smile at the storm, yawn at the tsunami.

fun, fun and more fun!

2008-07-19T18:35:00.004+08:00

Today was great. Yesterday, I was asked to hand in my Physics SPA files but I got 11 missing experiments!!! (OMG) Yea... Anyway, MsGoh said that I must photocopy all the missing experiments by this morning which is impossible. Luckily, she wasn't there in the morning and I handed in the files to MrChia. Whew. The whole mock test was kinda joke. 80 marks paper to be done in 105min when you can actually take 65min to complete it, which was what I did.

Then, I change out of my school uniform and went to Dhoby Ghaut with my friends to catch <>™. Unexpectedly, Nic joined us for a couple of rounds of DotA before our movie at 1245hr. The movie was great. Eh, wait, its AWESOME!!! Rating: 10*/10* to the power of infinity and beyond. The whole story gives you no time to take a breather at all. Every single moment is just as exciting as the other. Some gruesome scenes though, the Joker's make-up and the make-up on Dante ( a.k.a. Two-faced) after he got burnt. Yucks. Oh well, that's what contributes to this IMBA rating film. Two words: Must Watch!!! Next movie on wanted list ..... Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Anybody game?

This week was horrible. The consecutive tests made me had mental breakdown for a few moments. Yesterday was during HCL lesson just after I was told the I had to hand in my incomplete SPA file. Today was during the damned mock test when almost everyone bombarded me during the test itself. It's like hello? I have to finish this too. This outing was what kept me going on for the week and pray hard that next week will be less strenuous.

A quote from the movie. Joker said," You want to know how I got this scars? I'll tell you....." As he produce a knife and placed it in that Mary Jane's (Batman Version) mouth.

we are the champions!!!

2008-07-14T17:25:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, 13/07/08, a day to remember. National compeitition. I woke up at 5.15a.m. and felt really groggy. Bus services only started at 6a.m. + and we had no choice but to take a taxi there. Hence, KM, Kevin and I shared a cab down to school and pray hard that we could claim taxi fare. (Last year's taxi fare took like 3 months later to be claimed. zzz) Anyway, we were the first to arrive at school. Yes, the first to be there. Guess what's my breakfast? McGriddles! Wahaha. Nvm...

The bus arrived at 7a.m. and the journey was very short. All the more the anxiety took its toll. I didn't feel like talking, or doing anything at all but to stare into the blank space. Finally we arrived. Guangyang Primary School. The place where our school lost it last year. This familiar yet not so familiar place was striking more anxiety into me. Only when the compeitition started that I began to calm down. After balloting, we got AA1. The worst fear came true. Long case for a start. To make matters worse, first long cae in the whole compeitition. AA1 ready for action! Or not?! The whole case was freaky. 4 casualties and my first casualty was a super noisy one with only a close forearm fracture. Way too noisy. Then I moved on to help Willis sir with the most serious casualty and dumped the first one to the passer-by. ^^(whew).

After the high standard that we set for Long case, we were forced to do it for Short case. The much awaited imba 2-men CPR did its job in clinching us a national best CPR. (3 cheers for Joson and Weeliang sir). Yes, we did finish all our required tasks before lunch. ( Long, short cases, Footdrill, TOC) And it was sleep, story, sleep, story and guessing game all the way.

When they started announcing the results, the pressure was on when we know that both AC and NA from zone 10 clinched National Champs and that NC got National second (lost by 1 point). To cut things short, WE WON!!! After 11 or was it 12 years of long wait, we've finally got it. I would like to thank my members, my trainers, the casualties, Kevin for agreeing to be our steward twice and everyone who made it possible. The heartwarming applause after we've finished our cases was especially encouraging. (Thanks, supporters!)

Dinner treated by Aiden sir was great. Especially so when the whole dinner was about suaning DX sir with his Yujia, WL sir with his Xiuying , etc. Luckily I've reached home before 9p.m. if not I may have to face the music. Have a good week. NO MORE COM TRAINING ANYMORE!!!!!!! My saturdays are free!!! NOT! This week's schedule; Wednesday- S.S. and E.Geog test, Thursday- Chem and A.Maths test, Saturday- Physics Mock Exam. Haizz.

Heard from my sister that red cliff is draggy and boring. Waste of time rating (FULL). There will be a red cliff2 to show the real part of the fight at red cliff. This movie is just a prelude for 2.5hrs. Just watch it on www.tudou.com a few weeks later.

disappointment

2008-07-11T21:28:00.002+08:00

Yea... I've lost. Lost the chance to get the title, lost the hope of becoming, lost the trust and hope my teachers and fellows had in me. I'm sorry that I did not make it. I don't know what I should feel now ; Should I be sad? Should I be happy to be released of this bondage as a "nominee"? Should I be depressed that I had disappoint everyone that had supported me? Or should I just pretend that nothing had happened?

Today, we've received the yearbook. After reading Joson's and Kevin's yearbook with those heartwarming messages, I got stirred inside of me. Perhaps the upcoming Biathlon and more importantly the National FA compeitition had camouflaged this feeling in me. This feeling that I will lose the friendship with me friends that I do not think will get in touch with. This feeling that was so near yet so far. This feeling that was imminent, like that of impending doom.

"也许你将遇到意料不到的暴风雪。也许你将遇到一个乌云密布的灰色阴天。冻得像冰霜飞过下雪天。停停脚步想想我。也许你将遇到让你泪流满面的风沙天。也许天气预报不会再有晴天。也许到最后终点是蓝天。”

Anyway, I've received another Pre-Compeitition letter from JC. My third one and it might be the last. Who knows? Not even me. The letter was "emo" ? Or more of emotion-invoking? Hard as it try, its purpose was served. Fighting spirit was ignited in me. "Vrrooom!" Geared up and ready to go! But again, morning call tomorrow: 6.20a.m. Morning call for Sunday: 5.50a.m. Yes! It is super "zzzz". And yes again! After Sunday, I'm like a bird released from the cage. Like a castaway being spotted by a passin ship. Like a chained prisoner finding a key to all his troubles, the chains.

When I reached home, I read my father's medical report. His white blood cell count is higher than normal. What does it mean? God please tell me? He might be admitted to hospital tomorrow if his fever does not subside. Here it says," Normal peripheral blood film except for moderate leucocytosis. No early cells seen." How in heaven would I understand? Oh God, please help...

never-before experience!

2008-07-07T18:23:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I went to East Coast Park for a Post-POP celebration with my friends. 2 is a company and 3 is a crowd and when there are crowds, there is where the fun comes in. To begin with it, I met up with Nic and Ivan to go there together. After we reached there, Nic and Ivan rented their bicycles while I (The clown) changed into my roller skates, ready for a dynamic entrance. It was an entrance all right but dynamic was certainly not a word to describe it. Hmm, more like A-dead-man's return entry. The whole stretch of road from McDonald's to BBQ pit No.41 seems like miles apart especially for a skater noob like me.

Was I even skating? More like waddling on wheels. Anyway, it served as a warm-up for me and I was all ready to go at least move with my skates on. Dinner was great. However the whole focus of the night was somehow not on the dinner but the much anticipated night cycling. We were cycling and skating all around the park until Joson finally decided to learn how to skate. Andrew happily gave him advices and after half an hour, he can at least move properly. At around 1.40a.m. then we decided to play Risk. "ZzzZZzz" was written on my face. When we finally stopped playing, I was zonked out and crawled into the tent to catch a wink while the rest go for their last round of cycling before they turn in. It was 3a.m. then.

At 6.50a.m. Jeremy took his bike and started ringing it while giving us morning call. I sprang up, grab a bike and followed them for a morning cyle to the jetty. Sad thing was the clouds. They completely blocked out the sun and we didn't manage to see the sunrise. Aww.

With this 4hrs of sleep, I am still alive and kicking at least up till now, when I'm typing in this entry......

I finally know why tents at East Coast shake at night. The breeze is more like a gust!

pop! rojak feeling!

2008-07-05T20:50:00.002+08:00

Today is POP. I don't know what am I feeling this whole day. Mixed. Ok, lets start from the moment I reached school. The whole NCOs' squad (now SNCOs) was getting ready for the rehearsal. Just when I walked past the water cooler light-heartedly, I got shot by a frost arrow right in my face. JC sir had to "KE JINGWEI GOT GET YOUR TEAM NOW!!!! AND GO DO FOOTDRILLLLLLLLLL" I vowed that I cursed and swore like anything else in my life at him. Crowning him with my vocabulary of you-know-what. I mean, it is OUR POP ( my fellows and I). So I was like HELLOOOOOO???? Can't we have some time off just to celebrate OUR parade. This made me sulk during the parade and I was like 没心情 after I went back to store.

It was only after the videos touching me to tears that I felt better. Anyway, the parade was overall fine, except for Hadrian and his screw-ups. A quote from M1, " You guys are goooood!".
Then, it was com training and com training and more com training for the rest of the day. Lunch was the only time I get to interact with the "outer world". Com training is like a prison. A prison that cuts you off from the rest. A prison that chains you up with case after case, training after training. A prison with an autocratic warden. A prison that makes you to have 没心情 to do or think of anything else.

Anyway, something good came out of today's session. Phrase of the week :"没心情". Only today then I have realised how scientists discover many scientific phenomena by "accident". Derivative of this phrase was by sheer accident. Joson was like poking me with his inflated latex glove, squeezed all the air to one finger. Then, I had my head down and wanted to say "没心情 to train anymore" but only the first 3 Chinese words came out. Then, the whole conversation was warped, totally distorted.

Today I think I took too much medicine until I got 没心情 to laugh anymore for laughter is the best medicine. For the whole day, I swear that I spent at least a total of accumulated 1hr or so of pure laughing time. Especially on my way to the bus-stop up the hill of How Sun Drive. 12min walking time,8 min laughing time.

Behind all that laughter, the night was kinda down for me. I spent like 30min waiting for bus no.162 outside AMK Hub but to no avail. Then, when an old couple alighted a bus, I was munching on my fries an that old man said in a harsh tone," Get up, Boy!". Then I was like HUH? Ok.... Only after a moment then I felt insulted ( sorry, my min can't work well). I mean, I know to give up seats to the elderly, I did on my bus journey last night but got rejected. Anyway, when he spoke to me, he was like questioning about my social responsibilities and awareness. I know I'm in the wrong for now standing up immediately but I still feel pissed. Made me 没心情 to eat my dinner in peace.

To end it all, the feelings I had today : Angry, when I wanted to give the prison warden a facial deformity. Sad, when I watched the video and begin to miss my squadmates already. Relieve, after we passed out that I can R.I.P. > Revise in Peace. Finally, 没心情.

A promised fulfilled. 7没心情s used excluding this. Tired, but still looking forward to tomorrow's BBQ at East Coast Park BBQ pit no. ??

unduly worry...(I hope so)

2008-06-29T09:31:00.002+08:00

When I woke up this morning, I was overwhelmed with loneliness. Yes, loneliness. I fear, I worry, I hope that time could pause at this moment of my life. I don't know why but I can't help feeling that I will lose the many friendships that I painstakingly built up with ALL my friends. I fear that after POP and ,more obviously, the O'levels, we will not meet up again. I'm scared that after we're SNCOs, we will not meet up every recess like we do now. I'm scared that after we leave school, we can't see each other even once a month if I don't come back to serve as an officer. I guess that was what helping me hang on to this hectic lifestyle, hang on to this empty shell that was made use by me to spend time with my friends, hang on to these bondages that had been tormenting me.

Next year, I don't know if I will join compeitition again or not. I really don't. I posed this question to myself over and over again and each time I will get a different answer. I don't like the way I juggle with my time when I am bound to these commitments for the corps. However, I know that it is these commitments that enable me to have time for my friends. Who would squeeze out 4hrs a week just to spend it with your friend and doing nothing else. Just chatting. Only during compeitition training then I can do so and I enjoy it even at the costs of my time and draining my mental strength. I hope that I will be able to make a decision by this year. I hope that I can adhere to the promise I made to myself and fully commit myself to it. I don't know what is up for me and if I will be able to juggle my time MUCH BETTER should I join compeitition during the hectic JC1 life.

Please enlighten me and reassure that my worries are unduly. Now, I'm afraid of taking a bus alone for my thoughts will run wild. I'm afraid of eating a meal alone for I longed for a companion. I'm afraid of sitting in front of my computer and PLAYING DOTA for I know I have to study but I do not have the resilience. This morning, I had 2 bad DOTA games. GREAT!!! Now, I don't even feel like thinking of DOTA. Although I rid my mind of this evil, I feel the sense of loneliness getting greater when I can no longer numb myself by playing computer games. I detest this feeling. I can't think properly even when I'm blogging now. I feel like crying in the bathroom. I don't know what to feel ; should I be stressed out by the packed timetable? Or should I be angry at my lost of control over my own self.

My only refuge now is only found in books, notes and homework. I guess this might be a gift from God to aid me in my studies since it is the only time when I will not be swayed by these extreme feelings.

Today, I will be out from my home from 1030 to about 2000 after my dinner. 9 and a half hours away from home when I am only awake for 14 and a half hours. My life is now study, St.John, blogging and while doing so I wished I could spend it with my friends and not alone.

A post a day, keeps the psychiatrist away. ^^

CCB!!!

2008-06-28T20:33:00.004+08:00

Yikes! I'm not using vulgarities.. don't worry.

Hehe. Today I've finally received my CCB (Cheif Commissoner Badge) ^^. It's great to have 5 more CCA points in my pocket. Wahaha. Sad thing is that they made us go there early in the morning just to do DIRTY JOBS (zzz). The worst was yet to come... I had compeitition training from 1400-1830 ( actually 1900) after that. AHHHH! This drained me of my energy and the next week is packed with training and tests.
Tuesday: A.Maths Test
Wednesday: Com training + Tuition at night
Thursday: Com training + E.Geog Test
Btw, trainings are from 1530-1930 hope he will adhere to the timing stricly and do not drag...

Song of the day: by Avril Lavyne
"Today was the worst day I went through Hell. I wish I could relieve it from my mind."

To make things worst, not only can I not have a good night sleep, I have tuition followed up CLOSELY with another training at St.John HQ from 1400-1830. There goes my weekend, BYE.

(*sigh) At least, I have the next weekend to look forward to!!! CHALET!!! POP!!!! And everything nice with a tinge of Chemical X.( there i go again... random spasm) The world owes me nothing, it was here first...

A day to celebrate?! (Too early...)

2008-06-25T16:11:00.001+08:00

Whoah! The first thing I heard when I stepped on the school ground is that I was nominated for "Marist of the Year 2008" ! I was thrilled and couldn't hide my emotions when Timothy and Alex told me. No doubt, after morning assembly, Ms Lee announced the nominees for the Marist of the Year 2008 to our class and distributed the voting slip. As she was doing so, she even helped me to 拉票 by saying " Who wants to vote for Jingwei come and take a slip." (>.<) To my surprise, not only my friends took the slips, Christopher wrote one for me as well. (woah!!! Din expect that) Those who haven't vote pls do so to support me. ^^ tyty

Anyway, today's timetable was weird.... 5 periods before recess, double Chinese then Lunch break. Yes, lunch break 1hr after recess. (we're not pigs). When I got home, I sat down in front of computer and finally figured out how to put my Blogskin PROPERLY!! Wooohooo! Congrats to myself.

Friday is the annual Marist Youth Day and my class is setting up an X-Box centre at my class 4B! Come on in and support us. XD

St.John Day!!!

2008-06-24T20:56:00.000+08:00

Wahaha! I've finally got a blog. ^^

Btw, today is St.John Day (Big deal. Yes its BIG DEAL!!!). I prayed so hard last night hoping that everything will turn out well today and God answered it ^^. To think of it, no one fall-out throughtout the whole parade ( Anyway, I dunno what is the past tense for fall-out... fell-out???) amazing but true! I guess it must have been exceptionally hard on the Sec 1s since its thier first SJAB day (good job!). Whew, I was whining about my backache throught out the parade to myself and was definitely cursing and swearing when DK dragged his damned haircut crap. ARGH!

Well, the day turned out well. I missed the first 20min of Mr Teo's Practical lesson and it din seemed like he did much in my absence. Oh ya, for the first time in my secondary school life, I've finally realised how time flies in school. I mean, last year evry single day seems like ten for the lessons always ended well in the afternoon. Now, I only had to stay back in school until 3pm+ probably only for 2 days in 10 days??? Sweet!

To end it all, well done everyone for the St.John day celebration!!! ( I dun see whats there to celebrate but oh well...). 3 cheers for all those who made this a success! Hurray!